Today we went to a relatively rad art expo.I like him- I do, and there is an allure to intimacy. I think. But it may be too soon for me to try and open up to someone in the way that a relationship requires when the love-stains all over my heart haven't begun to fade yet. It's wrong that when we're talking/cuddling I'm thinking about Harry. It's probably also wrong that when we're having sex I'm thinking of Handsome Parisian. Thinking of him and cursing his name for ruining my sex life.
The last banner for IFFTP said "some people are settling down, some people are settling, and some people won't settle for anything less." I have a fear of settling for less. I've done it. I've done it twice and I never ever want to do it again. Not to mention every time I hear a woman say the words "my boyfriend" she immediately sounds like she's in a cage to me.
But this all sounds very negative. The soft peach fuzz truth around this sour fruit is that he's intelligent, cuddely, tall, receptive and thoughtful. I like him. I miss him. And next week he's taking me to Montelimar, a town in the South, to stay at his family's place for Bastille weekend. It's probably going to be wonderful. Dang!
"...every time I hear a woman say the words "my boyfriend" she immediately sounds like she's in a cage to me."
ReplyDeleteMe too. I know it's not fair to them. I know they would argue this is where they want to be. They're happy. I just can't get my head around it!
I too am afraid of settling but I have a secret weapon. A feeling. I've experienced once many years ago in a brief fling. With him I became exactly the person I want to be. I was effortless and lovely. In my 20 years of dating / relationships it has only happened this once and stands out like a glowing beacon! I won't settle until I feel THAT again. It will be easy to spot and i'll know it to be RIGHT.
This experience has saved me much turmoil.
bravo to Cereal Stray. I can only agree. I am a very reluctant dater myself. I go months without so much as brushing hands with a man... but then someone will come along that ignites the gunpowder. I just have to get the hang of letting someone take the lead, because even when there's interest I usually scare them away.
ReplyDeleteBut I won't settle either. I can't. It makes me physically nauseous to lead on a lovesick man. Mostly because I know what it is to pine for someone who's just not that into you...