After a weekend in bed which could feasibly be called a hostage situation, I find myself in two states of mind: in a sexually explorative haven, and in a frustrated envelope of "The Lame Side of Love." When we're cuddled up, locked in one another's arms, or staring into one another's eyes (which I'm almost CERTAIN is a challenge to get the other person to say it) the words "I love you" are running through my mind like news stories under a television reporter. But despite this impulse I know, now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I absolutely am not falling in love. And, as I seem weather beaten and armored enough to recognize that I'm merely growing attached to his affection, I'm confident that I won't fall into the delusion that it's him I love; he feels wrong for me. The result is feeling a little guilty, a little depressed, and wondering why I can't seem to end up with the real thing.
I haven't talked to him since he left, but when ever I'm considering spilling the three words, I remember Harry, and I know that it would be wrong.
On the positive side, (debatable if you share my mother's opinion) the days spent in bed submerged in constant arousal, hours of foreplay, and French spoken lustily in TMI's rewardingly delicious voice, were wonderful. For instance, after being locked all morning in a passionate hugging/squeezing each-other-until-breathless marathon, (seriously,) TMI said "show me your tongue." A little shy at first, but coerced by his long sensual fingers at my lips, I did. TMI stared and breathed "ho la la..." as he pushed the two fingers into my mouth. Extrêmement agréable.
Later however, in a rare moment of privacy when he had gotten up to jump in the shower, I wrote mom about the insatiable sex drive of my partner. She wrote back "careful, he sounds a bit obsessive." Then referring to one of her best girlfriends in the 55-60 box, said "Lilly's husband is a sex maniac and she HATES it!" I laughed aloud.
All these good and bad feelings together got me thinking about the label "leading" someone on. Or, as it is often morphed to beyond high-school to sound a little less juvenile, "stringing" someone along. What exactly is that? Am I doing it if I can almost certainly say I will not fall in love with TMI? If I were a good person would I say so and stop seeing him? And honestly, when having great sex and growing attached to someone, does ANYONE really have the strength of conviction to do so?
i love you! Also to answer your question at the end no. I dont think we have the strength to say no when we get wrapped up in the good stuff... We make excuses like 'well maybe I could love him it may just take time..' I think it takes a significant negative occurrence to actually make you end it. I dont think what your doing is wrong though.. unless he is clearly in love with you and says so otherwise he may feel the same way you never know!
ReplyDelete^ thanks for the thoughts lady! Unfortunately I'm pretty sure his feelings are getting a little intense. As I've mentioned in previous posts, he's very sensitive and possessive. He was completely distraught this morning over having to leave our bed marathon for work, saying he wanted to just stay in bed with me forever and not have to be at work and thinking about me, AND he frequently scrubs his hand forlornly over his face, sighs heavily, and says he's sure that I'm going to drive him crazy while staring at the ceiling. The signs are not favorable for the above hopefulness :/
ReplyDeletehahahaha well untill he says those 3 words you never knew any better ;)
ReplyDeleteps if you get a chance can you shoot me an email abussard7@gmail.com?
I would / do (always) state my case...a very blunt, so he is under NO illusions..."You aren't what I'm looking for". He is then free to stay or go as he chooses. Is the only way I'm comfortable being with someone who's feelings are stronger than mine. Works very well, we always part friends (when we eventually do).
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