OK so, turns out, I have a problem, and I'm gonna spill. I've gained about 6 pounds since coming to France, and, as a petite woman with a small frame, broad shoulders, and an ugly as sin mug as it is, it doesn't suit me. I've gotten unhealthily obsessed with this fact and have, for the past two weeks or so, been so ashamed of my physical appearance that I can barely leave my apartment. When I'm outside, I'm so embarrassed I literally break an anguished sweat and often catch myself running, seriously, running, back to my apartment so I can hide.
It takes me hours to get dressed, the whole process often interrupted by me bursting into a sob as I lean my forehead against a wall. Yes it's retarded, yes there is infinitely more to life; people with real problems; starving children in the world, not to mention good literature, relationships, and beautiful aspects of existence demanding attention, but all the same I'm indulging in this ridiculous misery.
The worst sensation of all is in a store or in the streets where I can see my reflection in a window or a mirror, and I'm hit with an overwhelming wave of shame. I just want to curl up and hide. Those are terrible moments. No one should have to deal with that silliness, seriously.
So I'm thinking of telling TMI that I need to cool it with him until I work it out. You can't love someone else until you love yourself, or so they always say. So there's that.
I feel ya girl. I gained a good 50 lbs when I was prego and weighed 190 lbs! thats a shit ton. I didnt want to be touched with a 10 ft poll for over a year. When I started to work out and lose the weight I got my drive back. It seriously does start with you and if you need that break to feel better about yourself I say go for it.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your super sweet comment! And it's totally ok. Husband doesn't get to be near me when I'm having a fat moment in life. Don't worry... it will pass!
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