Sex and the Self

It's the beginning of week two back in France and I have been utterly awash with schoolwork as my first term of online graduate studies body-slams me into commencement. Still, I'm thrilled to be back with my much missed mate and safely installed in our rustic French attic.

Yesterday, however, in one of my episodes of insecurity, which come and go like stingy-pissy jelly fish on the tides, I got to thinking about sex. (Big news,I know.) And how much my addiction to it is pleasure based, and how much of it is nested in self validation. I'm comfortable with saying 80% of it is the healthier former, but I do catch myself in sexual encounters where my own enjoyment is totally shelved in place of the enjoyment of my partner. Sometimes forcibly out of the picture.

I'm inclined to think this isn't just me and may be part of the young feminine condition. ..Or maybe just me. At times my need for sex comes with a strong need for affirmation; that I am attractive and loved. I imagine this is going to go away with maturity but for now it has me puzzled. Do men ever find themselves in similar situations? Why or why not? And, if I'm not alone on this, why do some of us need sex to validate the self?