Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Mom Says, "it's Usually the Woman Who Sacrifices"

It occurred to be while standing on the landing to my building, fumbling for my keys in desperation to get off the noisy, smoke filled sidewalk, just how much I'm willing to give up. TMI is coming home this evening with the news that he has agreed to take an internship here in France instead of on the West coast, as we had initially planned.

Several days ago and after months of trying, we recieved a postive email from a Napa Valley vineyard that wants TMI for his required dates. I should be celebrating, but, in this last week before TMI's deadline to secure an internship, he's suddenly deciding maybe he doesn't want to go for it. In a case of cold feet, fear of the unknown, and allure of the safe and secure, he's this very afternoon meeting with a wine maker in Beaune to discuss his internship.

I'm poised to stay with him. And, in doing so, giving up another year with my family, missing my brother's wedding, (mere months after I missed the birth of my nephew,) an opportunity to work, my friends, and my plans. More commonly called "everything."
Everything, and I am on the thresh hold of giving it for the man I love. -Which of course makes even the tiniest chance that he may not be the one a very real and very frightening danger, in light of the sacrifices.

Maybe it is always the woman's job to wait and to follow. -And, for the record, I would never ask TMI to do his internship on the West coast if I didn't believe it would effect his career for the better. Is it just my lot in life to go where he goes? And, if so, is the love going to be big enough a pay off? He does mean everything to me. But is right for me to give him everything?

Back in July I was apparently a much tougher cookie. I'd do well to listen to my own advice.


  1. What I've always stuck to is this:

    Don't do anything you'll regret later. So if you stay and it doesn't work out, will you be able to come to terms with missing all of those things on the West coast. And conversely, if you don't stay and things don't work out, will you regret that you didn't stay.

    It's a very tough decision. I hope that with whatever you choose that you are happy! xo

  2. you have to decide if it's all worth it. if your heart says go, i think there's no fighting it! you should ultimately do what feels right, but don't neglect yourself, you're important too<3

  3. grass is always greener on the other side they say. i say if you are worried on the "missing out effect" meaning missing out on CALI or missing out on FRANCE, which one would you miss more. Cali is easier to get to from hawaii and visit and see, france not so much. another thing to think, when you are 80 will you regret spending another month in france? or regret not going to your brother's wedding? boys dont usually care about wedding so as long as the bride is OK with it him sure you are fine with skipping it. also being happy is the MOST important. look for what makes you happy and do that. all will fall into place after.

  4. Ok, this is a tough one. I think you have to at least give your relationship a chance. In my experience, it could work out. I wrote a blog a week ago called "Follow your heart? Follow your head?"

    It got me thinking about the choices I've made over the years. You need to ask yourself if its worth it? Weigh up the pro's and cons. Like the previous commenters have said, if you think now that you will regret the decisions you make...maybe its the wrong choice.
    You have to be sure. My friend just broke up with her partner of 6 years, because he wasnt putting her first, she moved back to the US from France. Some people would think she was crazy, she had a nice life here, but only she knew what was happening in her relationship behind closed doors. She decided to put herself first. It was the right thing for her.
    Its such a tough decision but only you know whats worth it for you!

    I'm not sure if I've helped much here, but good luck. I know you will work it out
    Louise xo


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...