Friday, April 13, 2012

My Life and My Love are on Opposite Sides of the Planet Earth.

It's kinda weird that even after 14 months since this blog's birth and my plunge into Europe, I've neglected to address my most prevalent problem in my franco-phonic home away from home. Loneliness. While there have been some notable names who've dropped in an out of the picture, I've found the language barrier and lack of employment and/or physical student body have left me, for the most part, pining away in solitude in my attic apartment. Wondering at a loss what places I have to go, people I have to see, etc. Since meeting and falling in love with TMI I've become uncomfortably dependent on his company; passing my days waiting for him to come home, languishing alone and without motivation.

Certainly, things have got to change. TMI, no matter how much I love him, can't be worth spending my life waiting around. I know I should go back to Hawaii or the West coast and start a life there, I know it.. But leaving TMI would be like slowly chiseling through my own arm with a pocket knife- like that guy who was stuck in a ravine with his arm pinned under a boulder for several days. How do I do that?! Sack up and take the ouch, or stick it out for love? I wish option two were the answer but honestly I know I couldn't go another month, let alone nine, as we've been planning, like this. So I should go. But the little voice inside me yells "no, no! don't do it! He's the one you idiot, don't give him up for anything!!"

If only he'd made the compromise I was counting on and taken an internship in the Napa valley, these questions wouldn't be writhing around in my brain. Well, granted, at least I have something to think and complain about, and instructional videos on how to be lonely.


  1. oh wow. I didnt know you had decided...sounds like you have?
    I dont say this is flippantly because I know its SOOO difficult in France to meet people but can't you force yourself to go out and meet people, other than TMI? DO you hangout with his friends? Have you tried expat websites? I know your feelings of loneliness, i've been there, some days i'm still there...but I choose my life with my man and my baby girl.
    I feel like there are some other options you need to explore to improve your life here...before you choose to head back and give up on your life.

    I also think though that a compromise from him would have been better BUT too late for that now...

    Louise xo

  2. oh and...the spelling errors/mistakes I've made are ridiculous...jeez, I apologize! (my total pet peeve!)

    Louise xo


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