Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Can Lovers Love it Rough?

When it comes to sex, there are few who can honestly ignore the undeniable hotness of getting roughed up a bit. Several days ago, in a conversation with one of my closest and best loved ladies, the two of us got to talking about a mutual appreciation for getting a little aggressive in the bedroom. TMI and I, though the sex has always been passionate, spontaneous, and.. high energy, have recently started pushing into the realm of throwing one another down on the mattress, bra ripping, and hair pulling; and, hands down, its been fantastic.

But I can't help but wonder: before sentiments start to sneak into the relationship, a lack of restraint during sex is usually nothing to bat an eyelash at. But once "I love you"s get into the mix I for one start to feel a little conflicted. I want to be frisky, but I also want a relationship based on mutual respect. Is this possible if we allow ourselves to be objectified in the bedroom? Is it dangerous to talk dirty and get rough if you're attempting to build a heathy partnership? Should lovers stick to calling it "making love" or can we cut loose and yell "fuck me!" once in a while?

Disappointingly, previous relationships of mine never dared breach the boundaries of slipping anything less than pious language during sex. Everything had a safe and cutesy nickname and we didn't do anything that could ever feasibly be more "sex" than it was "love making."

What I'm happily discovering, however, is that going over the edge has only strengthened my relationship. Knowing that we love each other makes getting crazy feel safe. Where I might have risked feeling a little victimized with more casual encounters, placing myself in compromising situations with TMI feels exactly like it should: daring, indulgent, and impossibly sexy. ..And I STRONGLY recommend it.


  1. It is mutual respect, to be completely open and confident to indulge in a more "rougher-style" of sex. As long as you (as in the couple) are aware of the boundaries, and are content to stay within them, I can't see how it would be disrespectful to the relationship.

  2. You bring up a very interesting question.

    Keeping things fresh in the bedroom is definitely a must, especially in American (and I suspect most Western)cultures. In theory, I think that mutual respect can still be maintained, while "keeping it rough." Like Sam says, keep lines of communication open, and if ever you feel disrespected or emotionally abused let your partner know.

  3. Being able to be yourself, with all of your parts, is the best kind of relationship to be in :)


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