A few nights ago TMI came up to my place with a bottle of crémant. We did something that was sort of like making love, in that it took all night and it was a personal and highly communicative process, but also a lot not like making love because I was thinking about, and even talking about, Harry.
The night before I had sent him the end-game of all desperate would be/should be/kinda aughta be/but aren't gonna be relationships: the “I love you” txt. More specifically, the “you may have noticed I have no self restraint, so against my better judgement, I have to tell you kid, I love you” txt. ugh.
72 hours of painful silence later, aka last night, I went out for La Fete de la Musique with Harry and J after promising good behavior. It was painful. He looked and sounded better than ever and I felt like a nut case. At the end of the night, I passed up the bise and even our more traditional hand shake and tried to walk away with a "bye." I hurried to get around the block in case I did something embarrassing like let out a sob. By the time I reached my stairs, I couldn't help my self and sent:
"I'll be in debt to you the rest of my life but I'll give you a million pounds if you follow me." After no response, I tried: "..or just 100 if you say something comforting." Finally, I got back " U could put your savings to better use, there's no point wasting them on me."
Welp. That looks like the end of that.
All n' all, I’m not nearly as upset as I could be. By all means, let the records state that I've been sleeping till noon and crying on the toilet, but, I’m treating it with a respectful salute to life’s lessons. I appreciate that my incessant philandering with the exclusively handsome received a slap on the wrist by some overdue sentiments. The good stuff really does come from somewhere before the first kiss, below the skin, and above the belt.
When it comes to heartache, rough relationships, and unrequited love, it’s important to remember that between two people, you’ve got a 50% chance of getting the short end of the stick. So if we're gonna gamble, we'd better learn to roll with the punches.
aww.. hang in there sister! you're right, in love, you really have to learn to accept the punches! OUCH! it'll definitely hurt, but you'll get over it. ;)
ReplyDeleteI like how open you are with your feelings, I wish I was more like you! At least you put yourself out there even if it does suck sometimes.
ReplyDeleteOh my good lord. I will read this post again and again. How silly, how strong, how sinful this sort of suffering can be. I'm beginning to believe one can have an addiction to unrequited love. You write my heart, darling woman.
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