Thursday, June 30, 2011

How Much Compromise for Courtesy?

I've been communicating with some potential Paris roommates who seem like lovable and accomplished kids. So! I sent Handsome Parisian a message asking if I could stay with him for a night while scouting the place. He said I was welcome anytime.

The next step was to ask TMI if he'd stop seeing me if I did the above with the almost-certainly subsequent sex. It was an honest question and, I felt, a necessary one, since whatever the outcome he'd be reading about it on the blog. I said it with a smile and expected a casual "yes" or "no."

He said that if I slept with someone else, he would A) "hate me" and B) "never see me again." Well. As cut n' dry as that answer is, it took all night and a lot of drama just to get it out.

It surprised me how many times my mind returned to attempting to do the whole thing on the sly. What kind of person does that make me? I still have a pretty substantial soft spot for that Paris kid. I told TMI that I'm simply not ready for exclusivity, but that I didn't want to stop seeing him either.

I want to get one thing straight here: I am sympathetic to the concept and perfect plausibility of fidelity. I think it comes naturally with a certain kind of love. And I mean the really good kind. I would have been effortlessly exclusive with Harry. Love just does that. It inspires a team mentality; refusing someone else, even the most handsome of someone elses, just feels like a score or a goal. You go out for pizza afterwords and celebrate.

I'm still unconvinced that TMI is good for me and concerned that warming up to him might be a mistake. "When does the art of compromise become compromising?" How much of ourselves should we be willing to compromise, out of respect, if we risk loosing our own values? Is a potential relationship that may not be a perfect fit worth it? Or, for that matter, are TMI and I already in a relationship and I'm just being a jerk..?

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