Saturday, June 25, 2011

Cautious and Cruel

My apartment is perfect for me. It's affordable, exactly my taste, and in the perfect location. I accredit our fulfilling relationship to having taken the time to visit all potential living spaces thoroughly and patiently. While I could well have settled for the 5th or even the 10th place I visited, I held out and invested the extra month to finding a compatible match before I agreed to be apartment-monogamous.

Imagine how much easier things would be if men were so willing to allow us in the front door, pull the curtains back, and run our hands over the counters before we make a decision about commitment. It seems that on the relationship frontier, once you've shown the initial interest to get you into the building, you're all ready expected to take the key and sign the lease.

What ever happened to dating? Is this just happening in France or have the singles of today started to phase out the concept of the test drive?

My adamant desire for a trial run is not only straining my relationship with T.M.I, but it has all but pushed E.D completely out of the picture.

If a person can't be allowed to take the time to develop feelings for their partner before they agree to monogamy and commitment, how can any of us hope to make it through a relationship without drama, heartache, or infidelity? And, since I seem to be getting a lot of male disapproval lately, I have to wonder: women taking the test drive: are we being cautious, or just being jerks?

((the lovely view from my apartment))


  1. I like the analogy of looking for apartments; I think the same theory applies where you make sure the renter aka boy knows that you are just looking, not ready to make any commitments etc, although you have to be really REALLY clear about that when it comes to dealing with peoples feelings... If guys think you are being a jerk then they probably aren't the right person for you since they don't share the same philosophy. Just make sure you don't act hurt yourself when a guy does the same things to you. No double standards! Arguably the hardest part of it all, huh? Great entry, btw!

  2. I have to agree with the comment above ^_^ I, for my part don't really "apartment lurk". I am very cautious when it comes to make a decision, so I prefer observing from a distance and then, if I like what I see, I can start considering the idea of a maybe "move-in". I don't believe in just dating for fun. I am more of a serious type. That doesn't mean that I am looking for marriage. Gosh No! I just like the idea that maybe the person I am with might be it, but I don't live in the hope that he is. I just go with the flow. The future will tell! But yeah, great analogy! And thanks for following back on BC! :)

  3. I don't think we're being cautious or jerks. What's the hurry? I say. I put being Monogamous and Committed in 2 different categories though.

    I'm a Nazi for stating the Terms at the beginning. Basically I make no promises, have little to offer outside good sex and company and honesty is non-negotiable. Terms can always be reviewed. If its meant to be it'll find a way :).

  4. Part of this must be because you just got out of a long term relationship. You're much more clear about what you want and don't want, and feel more inclined to wait it out. At least that's how I felt when i was first single after so many years. But let me tell you, three years later, still being single, dating is not what it's cracked up to be. It's gotten to the point where I know right away whether a guy is worth keeping around or not... now the trick is, not letting on too early and scaring a guy away. Or maybe just finding the guy that agrees with my assessment of the situation... Love. What a distraction.


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