Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The Virgin/Whore Dichotomy

I can't help but notice there there is a careful dance that a woman undergoes when looking for love that demonstrates two extremes. One, “I am not desperate, clingy, or easily attached," and two, “I am also a woman of fidelity and there is something old fashioned hidden somewhere beneath my hardened modern exterior.”

The social construct of dating, sex, and the sexes today has lead many of us to believe that we shouldn't allow ourselves to get too attached too soon; to not expect commitment after sex, to suppress the urge to fall in love, and to give the solid impression that we are interested, but not really that interested.

In any case, tonight while trying my hand at being a fun, carefree, and independent woman of the modern world, I was told: “I’m sorry, I just don’t think that I could have sex with someone I’m not in love with.. or at least, who isn’t my girlfriend.” When did our most secret, unfashionable, and suppressed basic desire start coming out of a man's mouth?

While I realize this display of honorable intentions could just be a cover up for a can't-get-it-up, frankly I'm feeling a little victimized by the unexpected turning of the table. I can’t help but wonder, when it comes to the game of love: does agreeing to play get you kicked off the field?

I think this question falls into the growing abyss generated by what is apparently called the "Virgin/Whore Dichotomy." The media is constantly hurling messages at the woman of today about how to be sexier, better at sex, and how to "proudly" navigate through the dating terrain by giving the impression that we can have sex like men: a la cart. The subtext of these messages however is really "-but don't actually have sex because then you'll be a slut." Easy, right?

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