The Handsome Hero

So I cut TMI's hair yesterday. -Which was HUGE MISTAKE because I did a weirdly fabulous job and now he's too handsome to look at with out being intimidated out of the room and under the bed covers.

That evening, I took my scarily handsome guy to Lazer-tag with some of my coworkers at the cafe. It was my first time and I was the only girl of like, 20 big burly guys; rolling around in a very dangerous plywood playground in pitch black, sliding, jumping, and bashing head-on into walls with a plastic lazer gun. I was run over a few times and even hit in the face by someone's gun at some point. While for the other players it was a game, for me it was 4 hours of straight-up survival. I'm small and delicate and can only handle getting smacked down by big sweaty guys so many times. I came up at the bottom of the score board each round with TMI always gracing the top, SOMEHOW. I was, thankfully, mildly rad at the hide and seek round, as a big guy can scarcely hide and escape into the shadows like a little lady.

All the same at the end of the whole shebang my feet were hurting, my back was hurting, MY FACE was hurting, and I was convinced I was, and am, an old lady on the arm of a drop-dead gorgeous Lazer-tag hero. Blah.

Chocolate Chili

After many an experiment, the world's best veggie chili has been created in my tiny French kitchen. So good, in fact, that I can't not share what I've learned with the world. If you're in the mood for a dark, thick, zesty and healthy chili that will frankly blow your socks off, follow these simple instructions:

1) chop your veggies: half a zucchini, 1 large tomato, 1 yellow onion, a pile of mushrooms, 1/2 red bell pepper and 1/2 green bell pepper, 2 cloves garlic

2) toss em all in a big pan or wok with olive oil and saute till cooked.

3) pile them into a big pot with a can of kidney beans + juice from the can

4) if you want meat, (totally not necessary) save some veggies in the pan and saute some ground beef with em- then add to pot.

5) THE SECRET INGREDIENTS: add a heaping table spoon of unsweetened cacao and a can of beer to the pot. (seriously)

6) Half a can of tomato puree

7) Spices: a butt-load of cumin and oregeno, a pinch of paprika, pepper, shallot, a dash of red cayenne pepper, and half a cube of beef bouillon.

8) Now stir it up, then let it simmer for 45 min to 1 hour.

9) Impress the heck out of your friends and family.

Subconscious Sabotage

Horror of horrors. Apparently the writers of bad soap operas do get their material from somewhere.

Yesterday morning I awoke to the usual ritual of TMI's warm cozy embrace and a groggy "je t'aime." Still 95% asleep and only partially in control of my motor skills, I responded, hold your breath now: "and I loooove yooouu (x-boyfriend's name.)" The moment the words were out of my mouth I face-palmed in sincere horror. I hadn't been thinking about the guy nearly ever save for the occasional moments of distate once or twice a month, and I certainly hadn't been dreaming about him. But of course all of this couldn't be communicated in the moment; I think I probably just groaned in disbelief as TMI tossed off the blankets, hurtled out of bed, and proclaimed coldly "I'm going to class." He was out the door before I fully knew if I was dreaming it or not.

I cried, totally confused and feeling very wronged by forces greater than I. My x? Really?? You mean the one I'm sincerely distressed by the meere distasteful memory of? Blurted in a loving phrase to the man I love more than life it's self? Haha, very funny, universe.

My friends asked if TMI actually knew of the guy so I couldn't pass it off as a Star Wars name or something. But alas. Things seem relatively patched up now, but I'm honestly scared of my own mouth now. From now on early morning "I love you's" will be communicated strictly with actions.. and with words only after a cup of tea.

Save the Receipt

So I finally got my dress back from the seamstress; it seems to fit well enough. And now the really big question: do all the items I bought separately and mostly for more than I can afford go well together? The necklace is breathtaking and I LOVE IT.. but I'm unconvinced it goes perfectly with the dress. And the shoes.. well, ahem. uh, the shoes...

Lets just be glad I got them on sale. Soft leather, platform black ankle boots, totally gorgeous, but totally wrong with the dress. ..Sexually inspirational, however. I modeled them for TMI while scantily clad which, naturally, lead to love making in a dangerous standing position which in turn lead to, ... .. well, some stains on the shoes that despite my best efforts I don't think would get them accepted at the returns counter. It's so very ironic I think I laughed and cried at the same time.

In other news I triumphantly went to the prefecture today for what I thought would be the last time to get a temporary carte de sejour while they process my renewal. I waited around the office all morning, as is customary, drowning in multi-ethnic screaming children. I got the receipt and started home.. only to discover that my mother's last name was spelt wrong. I rushed back only to find I was too late to take another number.

Looks like that adventure still has some nuts and bolts to sort out.

The moral of the story: save the receipt and the sex until after you've tried on the whole outfit. Oh, and double check all spelling of important names.

We Hope You Have a Pleasant Flight

Welp. I've booked my flight back to Hawaii. But I'm determined to be back in France by the beginning of April, at the latest.

So here's the what kind of suffering I just paid several months of rent for: 6 am wake up in the dark cold. 30 min WALK in the dark dragging 50 pounds of luggage to train station over cobblestone, followed by 2 hour train ride to airport in Paris, then 1 1/2 hour plane to London, followed by an 11 hour flight with "student-fare seat." AKA, between two enormous farting fat people with babies. Then? My kitties? My Hawaii homeland? Um, no: a weeklong road trip with my dad on the West Coast. Then, and only then, may I embark on the 6 hour flight over the Pacific Ocean to get me home. The missing flights and dashing around frantically lost in airport nightmares started yesterday morning.

so close, yet so far away! ..actually, just really far away.