Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Pussy Party

So I'm agonizing over a tough decision. TMI wants to go to a crazy costume party for his rather fat and crude drunk friends in the south of France on saturday. He insists that I go. I will have to pay $150 in gas, highway fees, and train tickets, plus a 6 hour drive there and three hour drive to a train station on the way back. We won't be home until midnight on Sunday.(Monday morning, technically.) Sounds like the worst thing ever to me. Enclosed smoking and sleeping in puke on the floor, more or less. But, if I stay here I'll be alone and sad thinking of him going crazy and having fun without me and probably commit suicide from loneliness and insecurity, but at least it will be cheaper and better for my liver. 

Importantly, here's what the invite to the party looks like: 

"Grémaillière de [so and so] et [whats'-his-name] au [distant address]. Veuillez trouver l'obligeance de vous vêtir de votre plus bel accoutrement en G (Gouine autorisé et fortement encouragé). Munissez-vous d'une bouteille (cubi, felissou, villageoise et autres alcools frelatés autorisés et encouragés) et de votre appareil génital (monotesticule ou chatte en sauce et/ou chatte à l'ail autorisés et encouragés de même).

Prière d'arriver le gosier sec et l'esprit clair, aucun débordement ne saura toléré. 
Amicalement, les Grolocs.
PS: bifles et hélicoptères interdits."

Yes, there are words like "monotesticle" and "pussy sauce" in this one paragraph invite. This is the other thing that gets me. One of the two people throwing this costume / house warming party is a girl who regualarly hurles such phrases like those above at my boyfriend in facebook comments and texts, and worse, he responds in the same lingo. I don't get it.I took him for a rather reserved, classy, intellectual type. A friend told me I need to go just to supervise my boyfriend in these vaginal conversations, but I find it rather.. repelling. 

So do I go or do I stay? It should also be noted that as it is a costume party, if I do go, I will be trapped in a two person card board rendition of the Great Wall of China.

..

Opinions anyone? Personally I'm thinking that I'm way too old for this. 


3 comments:

  1. I say GO!! To me, the sour liver, the time and the $150 would be worth it for the fucking peace of mind.
    I'm a crazy jealous bitch and I would go insane with thoughts of what is going on with me not being there. Plus - it is a two person costume. Who would take the 2nd spot if you weren't there. My mind wanders again...

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  2. I'm just wondering now why the heck I didn't sack up and insist against it when he was suddenly motivated and started to plan it. I think I just rolled over and said "..you can go if you want." Thinking he wouldn't find a way. I should have said, "what?! No way are we spending the money and effort on just one stupid party!" -and nipped it in the bud right then and there!

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  3. i also vote go. what an idiot to write that invitation by the way. i'm the same way, if I didn't go i'd be killing myself wondering what I am missing. remember you only live once

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