Well, I went to the party. -And I was really hoping that it would be either A) good, or B), bad in a funny way so that I could write a sarcastic post about it. ..But it wasn't really either of these things.
Honestly I'm really conflicted about it so I'm not sure how to even proceed describing it. I'm unsure if I'm old, boring, anti-social, and irrational, or if the party was just wildly too childish for me. Or maybe I'm just not a party person. Who knows, but when TMI asked me in the aftermath , 'god, didn't you think Chantal was funny?" -Chantal being a guy dressed as a gogo dancer with big blow up plastic boobs and a gold thong, who, once the party moved to a bar, got on stage to "perform" with the band,) I felt dismayed to think that I instead found it rather gross and completely juvenile. ,,Maybe I would have found it funny under different circumstance?? I dunno!
I'm ashamed to say it but I cried sporadically through the night and the next day. We missed our train home Sunday and had to sleep with a friend and come back Monday morning. I'm totally screwed up about it. I don't know if I'm the victim or the bad guy for not having fun. I don't know if I love my boyfriend or if he's just intensely handsome and I think that I need him to love me.
Do I need a break up? Therapy? Anti-depressants? A chill pill and just to learn how to party?
Either way I'm on the couch tonight :/
I love you and your blog but sometimes I do think you need to cheer up a tad! Maybe it's my British mentality but sometimes you just need to get stuck in! You seem to be quite hostile to some of TMI's friends? I'm sure you would find everything a lot easier if you just let go a little bit. Rachel x
ReplyDeleteI think if you felt the need to go to the party to keep an "eye" on TMI, that you may need to re-evaluate. I don't mean that in a snarky way, and I only say this because you asked. I think you want to love him, and you love the idea of him, but I think it's a bit of a fantasy. He doesn't seem to be very aware of how you feel, from what you share on the blog.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like he may be into different things than you are, and that's okay but remember you're not going to change anyone just because they don't do things you like. sometimes we can be in love with the idea of someone and forget that they do a lot of things we don't love. love is blind
ReplyDeleteIts alright not to be into the same things with TMI. just focus on what bonds you rather what divides you. he has to understand that as well...but its nothing to worry about.
ReplyDeletesmile and take a deep breath. everything is fine.