Yell if You Have To.

My honey has been working in a vineyard in the boonies for the last several weeks with no internet connection and no international cell phone plan. I send him daily love messages anyway, knowing they won't be read, but I'm sorrowfully starting to feel like "my honey" is imaginary.

In other news I have been fitted with my IUD. Yes, as yahoo answers will tell you and the thousands of other girls posting "will it hurt?" it will just about ruin your day. A second nurse actually came in and gave me a stress squeeze ball and her hand to hold, saying, "yell if you have to." For the record, I probably made the people in the waiting room very nervous. 

I've been consistently campy for the past few days, but I will say that going off the pill has lead to an increase in libido, (hard to believe since I was already in the maniac devision) and, TMI here, more intense orgasms. Just throwing it out there as one of the potential pros. -For anyone potentially in the decision making process.

One week and counting to my brother's wedding, which means 1 week and three days before I return to France and survey what damage two months apart has done to my once perfect relationship. I hope it's all repairable. 

Oh! And lastly, cancer news: I get to stay in limbo for the next 9 months. I'm told it's at a stage where my body may kick it on its own with "yoga, a multivitamin," and probably karate lessons. I have to come back next year for a second biopsy to see if it's gone, the same, or worsened. 

Live in the moment!

Marriage and Cancer

Today at Kukio there was another wedding. I swear someone is getting married there every weekend, often consecutively on saturday and the someone else on sunday. All this beach wedding action plus my brother and future sister in laws' frantic wedding prep has really put me off to the whole thing. I may be desperate to make the man I love my family, but I have zero interest in wearing a pouffy dress and holding his hands in front of a crowd while some over-charismatic speaker leads us through a cheesy, religious, or cliche ceremony. 

Ideally: discreet but classy dress; an intimate party of 10-15; there's excellent liqueur and great food; I'm cozy in my partner's lap while people laugh and drink; sometime at the end we sign the papers with no show whatsoever. No photographer, no vows, no cake, no bouquet, and definitely no pouffy dress.

Before I fell in love, I was all about the party. Now that I'm there, I just want spend my life with this guy. Screw the festivities. 

In totally unrelated news I have high risk HPV and mutated cells on both my cervix and vagina. So there goes the IUD option. Instead of the 5 minute installation I'd been sweating about, I had a half hour biopsy where chunks of  me were snipped out while I cried into a tissue on the doctors table. Girls are so sensitive. At least I am. You spend so much time meditating on the position that the only person you want anywhere near that area is the man you love, exclusively, and then you have to lie on a table for thirty minutes and get violated by sharp objects. 

The conclusion is that I may have cervical cancer, I don't know what I'm going to do about contraceptives, and I don't think I want a wedding.